I recently went to a local bookstore to look for some self help books and stumbled upon a green/blue book titled “Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay” by Mira Kirshenbaum. The subtitle really catch my attention, “A step by step guide to help you decide whether to stay in or get out of your relationship”.
So, with more anxious I open the book page by page…..
Relationship are among the most complex aspects of our life. Besides, paying taxes and loans and many more. The term relationship itself can be use for situations like marriage, business relationship, working and so on. It can take you to a new heights and can also dump you straight in the drain.
It’s a matter of choice. Sometimes you have to make choices one way or the other. Maybe what you have now is good enough, and you’d be a fool to leave it and search for a new relationship that you may never find. Or maybe, you’re seriously holding yourself back from finding a truly fulfilling relationship that could last for the rest of your life. It’s a tough call.
What Mira did in this book was, she points out the wrong way of making decisions. The pro vs con approach is the wrong way to make decisions, although it might seem logical to most of us. You see, there will be pros and cons in any relationship, but how can you tell whether its fatal, or tolerable or even wonderful? It’s obvious that the pros will ask you to stay while the cons will make you do the opposite. But can you predict what will happen in the future? Can you really know whether your problem is temporary or permanent?
Mira’s solution is to use the diagnostic approach instead. You have to diagnose your relationship instead of trying to weight it on a scale. This will help you to make intelligent decisions and most importantly, why you make it. Discovering the precise nature of the disease seems to be the intelligent place to begin.
So how did Mira perform this relationship diagnose? Well, she did it with a series of 36 yes/no questions. Each questions is explained very thoroughly with several pages of text. In fact the diagnostic procedure is essentially the whole book.
The nature of the questions are like a filter. You have to pass it in order to answer the next one. If you don’t, that’s the end of the relationship. It may sound a bit brutal, but most questions are easy to get passed. Hopefully you can pass question like “Does your partner beat you?” without much trouble. If not, you don’t need a book to tell you that your relationship is going downhill.
The author than watched how these relationship turn out in the long run; regardless the decision they make. Questions such as, did the person making the stay or leave decision feel s/he are making the right decision years later? If the couple decided to stay, would it blossom or decline into resentment? And if they broke up, did they find new happiness or experience everlasting regret over leaving?
Mira explain that where a break up is recommended, it is because most people who chose to stay together in that situation, were unhappy, while most people who left were happier for it. The key criteria used here is long term happiness, and it applies directly to the person who makes the decision, not the ex partner.
So if you face the “Too good to leave, Too bad to stay” dilemma, I highly recommend this book. You’ll breeze with some of the questions but a few snag will make you wonder. But I recommend this book not only for those who aren’t sure of their relationship, but also for those who wants to make their relationship better.
